he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
