Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
