nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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