i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
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