Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
