I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
