you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
