A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
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