im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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