I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
it was like eating out sand paper
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
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