I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Randomize
