shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Randomize
