I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Actions speak louder than pants.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
