Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
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