Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
never play flip cup with pint glasses
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
