can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Randomize
