i just google imaged poop.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Randomize
