i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I just gargled with NyQuil
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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