I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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