She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
