I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
