afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
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