Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Randomize
