Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize
