Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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