if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
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