I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
