it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
