I think im going to throw up on grandma
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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