Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
