Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Randomize
