dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
