You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
