Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Randomize
