i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
