I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Randomize
