if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Blood and glitter go together right?
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
