If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I am naked and annoyed.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize