he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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