I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
