doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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