dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
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