my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
