I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Did I show you my penis last night?
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
It's shark week go big or go home
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
