i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
