You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Randomize
