I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Randomize
