I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize
