but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
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