haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
it's like heaven, but drunker
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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