Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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