I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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