smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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