Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
