i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
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