On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
