I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
