You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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