ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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