2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
