You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I booty called her while she was in labor.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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