it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
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