Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
