the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
