The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
