so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
The best revenge is premature balding
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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