your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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