So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
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i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
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Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
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