Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
