Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
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