If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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