Cold hands, warm shart.
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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