I feel great
I just peed on a car
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
