I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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