Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
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