and next time when you feel me up, do it right
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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