i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Randomize
