Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
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