you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Randomize
