Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
My liver just had a heart attack.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
