Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
