I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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