So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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