Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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